25 January 2002

My Sister

All 3 of my children have birthdays in January. These dates make me so sad. I have missed far too many of their birthdays, missed so much, My beloved Mum died 5 months after I came to prison. My 3 Grandchildren have been born - it really hurts.

My sister died...

I always believed she would eventually tell me why she lied:
Why on the day after I discovered Aunty's body - did you tell the police I would not let you visit Aunty! How could you lie like that? Was that said merely to cover up your problem with alcohol? Did you worry about criticism because you hardly ever visited Aunty or Mum? That is the only reason I feel?

But Ann, there was no need for you to say such things - I was so hurt - but kept telling myself that one day you would speak out and tell the truth - about the money and other things. But that can't happen now? I know you were ill - but I also think you were mentally ill. It was a wasted life. Sadly, I think the police "used" you - knowing your state of mind

Oscar Wilde

I never saw a man who looked,
With such a wistful eye,
Upon that little tent of blue,
Which prisoners call the sky,
And at every careless cloud that passed,
In Happy Freedom by.

This is taken from The Ballad of Reading Gaol by Oscar Wilde. He wrote it whilst serving a two year prison sentence in Reading Gaol prison. I find it so pertinent. Whenever I walk around, I constantly watch the sky. I tell myself "Eyes skyward".
I am very aware of changes in seasons - watching trees change, noticing the colours - and a favourite pastime, watching the birds.

All of this is a constant reminder of life beyond the walls.

16 January 2002

Always hope

Seeing Steven Downing walking down the steps of the Court of Appeal a free man thrilled me. It helps when I see a conviction overturned - I tell myself there is always HOPE.

I am disgusted with my judgement. It allows police officers a free hand to neglect taking any notes at the scene and furthermore decide years later "how it was"!

Losing this appeal has hit me hard, but I am bouncing back, encouraged by the support and ongoing work of my marvellous friends.

01 January 2002

About Me

I am Susan Hilda May, a very ordinary woman. I was brought up to trust the police and I am sure that I trusted the whole system. I was foolish to do so!

My mum and Aunty were my life, along with my 3 children. Mum lived with me - Aunty lived alone but I went 3 times each day to check she was okay and to take her meals. I think I needed to see Aunty as much as she looked forward to my visits. She was a pleasure.

Mum went each weekend to stay with Aunty, but I would still go several times during the day. My children would also pop up to see Aunty and they enjoyed it when Aunty came to our house for tea. I suppose my life was centred around caring for my children, Mum, and Aunty. I got great pleasure from all this.

I can honestly say that I do not think I have dealt with the horror I came upon that morning of 12 March 1992. I went as I always did to check Aunty was up and about - the scene I found was horrendous. It was traumatic and devastating. I understood that because I was the last person to see Aunty, and I discovered her battered body, the police needed to speak to me. I wanted to help them all I could. I trusted them!
I was unbelieving when 18 days later I was arrested - for Aunty's murder! Still I believed they would realise they had made a terrible mistake.

That was 10 years ago - and I know the police manufactured evidence - perjured themselves (on oath) at my trial and subsequent appeals! Interestingly enough - changing their statements at each event!!

I attempt to still have faith in British Justice - but find it very difficult to understand how some judges can dare to say my conviction is safe after all the compelling evidence put before them.

I am fortunate to have numerous people outside prison, who have digested my case and are also disgusted with the workings of the system.

I have always said my fight is not with the Prison Service - but I am struggling to cope with prison life, knowing I should not be here.

Please, if anyone has information about Aunty's murder, come forward. Being imprisoned for a crime I did not commit is unbearable...

If the above image fails to load, the text (in Susan's own hand) reads:

"Yes I want justice - but most of all I want it for Aunty. She was a wonderful caring lady who had never had a day's illness - she did not deserve to have her life ended in this awful way - She deserves your help!

With Love and Thanks,
Susan xxx"